Sunday, September 13, 2009
All I can think about are the things I can hold on to.. the things I already & definitely call "mine". That, & how those things aren't going to be there for me anymore. I don't know whether to embrace & hold on for as long as possible or push away & try to stand on my own. I'll hurt either way. It hasn't hit me yet. Maybe because I haven't found a place to live; I can't picture it yet.
I'm kind of super hurt that a lot of people didn't show up to my going away party. I mean, I guess I kind of expected it to turn out that way. & I'm not saying that the 6 that showed up wasn't enough for me, it was so amazing & wonderful to know that a few people would go so out of their way just for me... I guess that's what I need to focus on. What I do have. If I keep focusing on what could've been or how I wished it were I'll be stuck on living in a sad past. This is for me. Let's focus on me. C'mon Veronica, it's time for you this time, for real this time. We're not going to shut everyone out but we can't insist on hiding behind everything forever. Especially if I'm 1,127 miles away... Let's do this, please?
=/ bah, I really want to talk to Billy right now.. he's not picking up though. I guess I need to practice being able to handle on my own though. Being able to talk to someone else would be nice though..
I should pack.. I'll probably just sleep though.