Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Good choice.

I went to see a psychologist today & I'm actually really glad that I didn't cancel my appointment like I was thinking about doing yesterday. I had to do all this paperwork, answering questions about myself, why I was there, what goals I hoped to accomplish from therapy, etc. It was really weird hearing the lady read out loud my reasons for going there though. It sounded a lot more sad & real hearing it said by someone else & I was already crying not even 5 minutes into my appointment. I think I'm doing the right thing though & it's definitely time to start changing the way I think about things & handle myself, & clearly the way I was going about it before wasn't really working. So this'll be good. & I really like her, she's nice & understanding (well, yeah, I know that's her job, but still) & I really think she's going to help me a lot.

Anyway, I just wanted to jot that down real quick. I've got an hour to tidy up my room before work & then Billy's coming over. So things need to look nice! .. or just less like a bomb went off in here.

Friday, March 13, 2009

I'm honestly thinking about going to see a therapist... but I don't want to ask my parents about it because money's so tight & they're still stressing out about how to pay for my school.

I don't know what to do, but I can't keep up with feeling like this all the time.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

I am a fat housecat.

You know how indoor cats are... they're all energetic & lively & playful & curious & sharp & have personalities & just do whatever they feel without a second thought--and then they become "tame" by having their every want squished out of them. You could roll a ball in front of me & I probably won't look up.

I'm withering away & I'm just sitting here watching it happen.

What's happening to me? :(