I feel like we've put ourselves on some kind of intense, super model skinny relationship-diet. Now, what we've done with our diet is taken away all the delicious indulgences that are over rich & too sweet. Delicious, wonderful, lustfull things make our relationship fat. Now that they're gone, we function & live on without them. Not even wanting them. Our appetite for love is gone. Our relationship is frail & skinny, & there's no meat or cushion on those bones. Its not even attractive anymore. Nobody wants it...
But I'm tired of starving.
Feed me :(
Just a weird analogy that came to my head. I don't know I if you know this, but I love analogies. It helps me figure myself out, through something else. Bed time.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
FINALLY! I told you happy times were on their way!
You didn't believe me though, did you? That's ok, I only half believed it myself, & that's because I had to or I was going to fall apart. (Frack, my crest whitestrips keep slipping off my teeth. Does anybody else have this problem? & of course my tongue finds the messed up corned & keeps prodding it.)
I'm celebrating because at the near end of this terrible & emotionally exhausting day, I got a call from an old friend (who I allllways love randomly hearing from) that completely turned my night, mood, & state of mind around. So what if it started out as a drunk dial. He called while I was crying & was totally awesome about it. That's amazingly good timing in my book.
Anyway, that's all I'm going to say. (Lame, I know. I get into huge detail about the things that are tearing me up, but just skim the surface of anything good.) The point is that I'm so extremely happy. A real happy. I laughed. I was laughing. Someone actually wanted to talk to me. ME. It's just a good feeling. & for like 4 & a half hours! Not one complaint, or fight, or anything. It was just so natural & easy & fun & nice for once.
Eh, I've got another 7 minutes on my whitestrips--I'll kill some time...
I've been using the Sims 3 game to help me get ideas for my design proposal for my Residential Design Practice/Thesis class. It sounds ridiculous, I know, but I'm such a visual person. I can't just stare at a blank piece of paper & go "OOH! Design for an entire house! I've got it!" This is really working for me, so who cares, right? My house design is going to me awesome though. Plus Tyler said I could use his name if I needed a new one for my client profile. :D He might've been drunk, but he still said it so, fair game! (Gah, are your teeth supposed to start aching after a few nights of crest whitestrips? There's definitely maybe something wrong going on here.)
Oh! Time's up! Gotta go :)
(at 5:50 in the morning)
Friday, October 15, 2010
Jeez. What a bummer blog I have.
Well, I guess I shouldn't apologize for it.. I blog for me, not for "you". & by "you" I simply of course mean anyone who's not me.
Happier days are just around the corner though. Hopefully. Somewhere.
I'll let "you" know.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
I'm in a particularly good/productive mood, perfect for last minute homeworking. Since my blog has been such a Debbie Downer lately, I thought I'd share something that's keeping me happy for once.
(Grooveshark is awesome btw, in case you've never heard/used it before)
My playlist (on shuffle):
* "We Used to Wait" - Arcade Fire
* "Tinfoil hats" - Rocky Votolato
* "Eyes" - Rogue Wave
* "Lake Michigan" - Rogue Wave
* "Something Good Can Work" - Two Door Cinema Club
* "1901" - Phoenix
* "Lisztomania" - Phoenix
* "Girlfriend" - Phoenix
* "Armistice" - Phoenix
* "Svefn G Englar" - Sigur Ros
* "Hoppipolla" - Sigur Ros
* "Viorar Vel Til Loftarasa" -Sigur Ros
* "Hero" - Regina Spektor
* "Us" - Regina Spektor
* "Sweet Disposition" - The Tempter Trap
* "Animal" - Miike Snow
* "Animal" - Neon Trees
* "Animal (acoustic)" - Neon Trees
* "Tighten Up" - The Black Keys
* "Little Lion Man" - Mumford & Sons
* "Undercover Marlyn (Jupiter Remix)" - Two Door Cinema Club
* "Undercover Marlyn" - Two Door Cinema Club
* "Mushaboom (Feist cover)" - The Postal Service
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
I keep telling myself that to sort of pep-talk myself out of this downer mood I'm in.
I can't control other people.
I can't make people care more.
I can't make someone want me.
I just.. can't.
& this total lack of control & waste of energy is making me feel hopeless. I don't have time to feel hopeless or to deal with any of this really... this is my very last & most hardest quarter ever.. But here I am, & I don't know why. I don't know why I want it to work so bad... maybe it's because I hate giving up, or because I like picturing this perfect future where everything goes right & there's actually a real face to put on the guy, or because we've already come so "far", or because maybe I'm just ever soooooo close to everything working out & I just need to push a little further...
I'm really just ranting & trying to empty my head out. It's 3:35 in the morning & I wanted to go to bed a looooong time ago, but just couldn't. I was just laying here thinking over & over again about how upset he made me, how he didn't care (enough), how being so mad was actually making me sad, how I'm totally alone & it sucks, how there's no one to talk to, how I miss just being able to get a hug from anyone when I was sad..
I don't know what to do. & if I did, I wouldn't know how to do it. & if I did, I wouldn't have the balls to because I don't want to end up alone & even more sad.
Wait, that wasn't the happy-note-before-I-go-to-bed I was hoping for.
Guess I can't even talk myself out of this one this time.
And then I started looking for a picture to put at the beginning of this post, which led me to someone's tumbler, & half an hour & a billion right-click-save-as' later, I'm in a better mood. Note to self, the worst mood can be fixed with some inspiring & artistic pictures. I need a tumbler, but what the fuck is it? Also the page I found is: http://whyhellothereyou.tumblr.com
So, whatever lame-ass, probably artsy, but definitely emotional & frustrating & sad picture I would have put up there, is now being over-rided (over-rid?) by a picture I found of my future work room in my future whatever living space that's big enough for me to have an entire separate work place that isn't 2 feet from my bed.