Wednesday, April 21, 2010

{History repeats & repeats & repeats & repeats &....}

I was just reading my old livejournal & I haven't changed one bit. I am literally still having the same problems now as I did then. I still think the same way, I still approach situations the same way, I still talk to myself in the same way, I still tell myself that I need to get out there & make friends, I still tell myself that "it's time for change", I still handle relationships in the exact same way... WHAT THE FUCK?!

I can't believe this! I seriously can't believe I'm still having the same problems. So much has happened to me since then, & I'm still the exact same person? Why am I still this way?

I need to talk to somebody.. like a legit therapist/counselor/psychiatrist.. I don't want to be like this unhappy, self destructing, monster for the rest of my life. I'm getting to the point where I'm telling myself "maybe I just don't deserve to be happy... maybe not everyone gets to be that way. I'm just one of those people that don't." & I don't want that for myself. No matter how much I try to tell myself I can settle for that... I really don't want it to be that way.

I just hope the school has something or at least tricare covers visits like that.

My head is fucking screwed up.

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