Saturday, September 4, 2010

I don't belong anywhere.

I'm in a really low place right now. It's 3:45am & I have no one else to talk to...

What's the point of me going back home for break? I mean, there's really nothing there for me. In reality I have nothing to look forward to. Nothing real. I'm so incredibly heartbroken tonight. My pure anger melted into complete saddness & now I just feel empty. & that all this time has been wasted. I hate how I feel like I have to question everything he does & says. I don't feel loved at all, & when he tells me that he does & feels like they're just total bullshit words that he tries to use to "save" the conversation. If you're with me now & I'm supposedly the one you want to be with now & for a long while, then why the fuck should it matter at all to you if your friends joke around about you not getting with a girl 6 months ago while we weren't together? I feel like the joke here. I feel used, & lied to, & just.. everything feels wasted. Why am I wanting to hurry up & finish school so I can rush back to you? I don't get it. I was being SO nice to you & then you turn around & just hit me in the face with your sharp rudeness. & then create this HUGE situation. & THEN turn it around on me, saying that this was all somehow my fault.

I don't belong back home. I don't belong here in LA. I'm so uncomfortable here. It's been a whole year & I haven't made any friends. My internship fell apart. I can't trust anybody. Everybody I meet is either a total bitch or a guy with a hidden agenda. I finish school in 3 months & I don't know what I'm supposed to do, where I'm supposed to go. I just want to be somewhere that's warm & loving & embracing... but maybe it doesn't exist for me.

3 comments:

JB said...

I know EXACTLY how you feel.
And, I hope you know just how beautiful you are <3

lovemealways3791 said...

So I have no idea who you are, what your name is or anything of the sort. What I do know is I stumbled upon your blog on google. Reading your story, here is my advice. First, dump him. You are obviously so much better than him to ever give him the honor of letting him call you his. Second, forget about him. Third, start over. You're in LA, right? You have the chance to be a whole new person, the person you dreamed of being but never could because of the brainless boyfriend you keep giving chances to. I will be praying for you. Much love from a stranger :)

Veronica Lynn said...

I didn't see these post till now. I really appreciate it, thank you guys <3