Oh! & I finally told Tyler how I've felt after all these years. But it was actually more for the purpose of letting go & being able to move forward with my life. I think what I've learned most from this is that the weight of not saying what you need to when you need to can really bring you down & hold you back, & things seem like they're going to be so much more terrible in your head. Just say it. I'm going to stop being so afraid of disrupting someone's mood. After thoughts have had time to manifest & multiply in my head, they seems like they're going to be this huge fantastically terrible thing, but in reality, no one gives a fuck & shit is just not that big a deal. Just say it, right then & there. & it feels good!
I've also been applying that to guys who try to ask me out. I don't know why, but it makes me so uncomfortable because I think I don't want to disappoint them & make them feel like that don't have a chance or something. Or maybe it's like some weird want to be universally liked. Whatever, I'm learning that even if it seems weird to say, if the truth is that I'm just not interested in that way & the fact is that I'm seeing someone (even if it doesn't have some stupid label), there really is no chance, & it's going to save everyone time to just be upfront in the beginning. I know that's like a big "well, DUH", but you know, it's me, & I'm slow at these things. haha
Anyway, I feel like I'm learning & growing & becoming more comfortable with myself. Obvi it's a work in progress, but progress nonetheless. :)
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