Saturday, January 31, 2009

That felt good.

So I said something. I had a problem & I actually said something & took care of it myself, without talking to someone else prior to the "confrontation". Although I'm exhuasted as hell now (because of it, & dealing with everything in the first place) but I'm am so relieved that I spoke up. Not a whole lot could be said because I'm not sure either of us were entirely ready for that & because it was over text messages. But, enough was said & we've made plans for an actual dinner out to talk everything over. Now, how exactly that's going to turn out, I have no fucking clue. I mean, I'm really glad for it, & I think it's going to clear a lot of things up... but if things get too weird/awkward or if someone changes their mind (& this is mostly for me), a sit-down dinner, in person, face to face is going to be a lot harder to bail on than simply making up a quick excuse & hanging up the phone. Plus, that makes for screaming, freaking out, hiding, & talking without the use of a backspace key a little harder. It kind of needs to be done though, for my sake at least, because I'm not a fan of consciously blindfolding myself & running head-on into a brick wall. Although I keep telling myself "I don't care, & I'm cool with whatever happens, happens" I kind of need to at least know if I'm wasting my time or not. Because that is more important to me than trying to come off as laid back.

aaand I'm brain dead.

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