Thursday, May 15, 2008

Something's not working.

I kind of want to rip my hair out.

Either I am a bitter bitch to the bone, or just about everyone today gave me a reason to feel bitter towards them. (Sounds like it could be bad PMS, but I don't think it's that time. I'll have to check that iWoman thing on Forrest's phone.) Maybe it was just a bad start in the morning. I'm a pretty solid believer that mornings can predict the rest of your (my) day. Of course it's in your (my) head; the way your (my) mood starts out in the morning can effect the way you (I) interpret things, reactions, expectations... Anyway, I had a shitty morning, thus I had a shitty day. I pretty much spent my entire day being either really pissed off or really disappointed. I think doing a recap of which things made me feel what would be pointless, so I'm not going to.

I need to get away for a little bit, re-organize my head, get my priorities straight, get away from my friends, do something different, be productive, feel special... I know it's just me feeling incredibly lame today, but my friends kind of made me feel a little worthless today. :( I was really looking forward to getting out and away from my house (where the lame day originated from) but I didn't really get the happy balance I was looking for. I know I'm capable of fixing myself, but I've become so tired of doing that :( I guess I kind of want to always be able to depend on someone else, but I remember why we (I'm talking to myself, about myself at this point) don't give our 100% out. I really do need to recollect myself. I'm feeling a little teary. =/

Maybe it's time to shift gears back to focusing on myself. It's a little lonelier perhaps, but that way anything else (company, conversation, plans) would just be a bonus. I'm not exactly looking forward to that idea. Maybe it's not the right one then.

Something's not working.

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